Connecting Better...with yourself!


Illustration by Valeria Petrone

Do you ever feel like you’re coasting along wondering "who am I?!" "Who is the real me?!"


Or, is it just me who talks to himself?


Actually, it’s not an uncommon feeling, and I know it’s not a pleasant one either!


Self-reflection is a challenge we'll often put on the back burner.

If you're like me, you'd much rather enjoy some cheesecake and mindlessly distracted by reruns of the Golden Girls by yourself, But, avoiding an inner reflection opportunity means you're not actively working on yourself, or your ability to connect with others.


So, here are some things I do to connect better with myself and, in turn, others.



Embrace Real Solo Time

"A need to have people constantly surrounding you and reaffirming you could be detrimental to you in the long-run--for me, it sometimes meant I wasn't in a good relationship with myself."

In order to be at peace with myself and to be a more generally contented person, take some time to get to know yourself. A need to have people constantly surrounding you and reaffirming you could be detrimental to you in the long-run--for me, it sometimes meant I wasn't in a good relationship with myself.



It’s not always easy to enjoy time alone, but your own company can be fun if you learn to relax and connect with your own emotions on a deeper level. Process what you're thinking. Journal. Yes, writing what's going on, how you're responding (or reacting) and how you want to achieve your goals might give you some daily purpose. Get to know what your interests are and how you can do enjoyable things alone without having to use other people as a crutch. We’re all capable of it, even if it doesn’t feel like it.


Be Authentically You

"If someone only likes you when you’re representing yourself as something you’re not, why do you want to have any kind of relationship anyway?"

Raise your hand if you’ve ever tried to represent yourself as something you’re not in order to seek approval from someone!!!


Yes, most of us have done it and it’s something that’s hard to be proud of. There might be some immediate glee or relief that you're "accepted" into the in group and it’s more common than you think. Trying to be someone or something you’re not is a common trap people fall into, but it never really works. At the end of the day, you might notice that your values aren't completely aligning with the "ingroup," whether that's a team, a partner, and organization, employer, etc.


Also, see failure as an opportunity to learn. Ask yourself, "what can I learn from this?" Instead of turning that outcome into "I can't do this," turn the outcome into "how can I incorporate what I've learned from this experience next time?" with the right kinds of people going forward. To get there, recognize that you don't always need to be perfect.


Learn to Show Self-Compassion

"Instead of turning that outcome into "I can't do this," turn the outcome into "how can I incorporate what I've learned from this experience next time I try?"

If you’ve never really put much thought or effort into self-care, you might be the kind of person who is harsh on themselves all the time. It's okay to have goals for improvement, but endlessly comparing yourself to others and folding into failure doesn't honor your human nature--people make mistakes and all people are different.


So, show yourself some self-compassion! Be more understanding of your differences--they make you unique! Lean in to your weird!


Also, see failure as an opportunity to learn. Ask yourself, "what can I learn from this?" Instead of turning that outcome into "I can't do this," turn the outcome into "how can I incorporate what I've learned from this experience next time I try?"


There’s no need to be so tough on yourself all the time, and most importantly, being tough on yourself achieves nothing. This doesn’t mean you have to indulge your own worst behaviors; it’s more about being kind to yourself and in turn finding it within yourself to be kind to others as well.

Contact

For trainings, workshops, or just to chat, e-mail:

brandon@brandonbarile.com

For media inquiries, e-mail:

media@brandonbarile.com

(315) 313-5985 (including text!)

© 2020 by Dr. Brandon Barile

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