Update: I Posted a "Birthfamily" Search Photo and what happened next...

đź“·Just a few days ago, I posted my birth details in the hopes to find some information about my birth mother and birth siblings. I was encouraged by the nearly 2,000 shares of the photo.

The Messages

What was most surprising were the messages that poured into my Facebook inbox. So many people who were touched by my photo, either they were adopted parents as well and understood the missing piece so many adopted kids feel, or they were adopted and searching themselves. Some cautioned about the realistic fact: your birth parent might not want to be found and a "reunion" might not go as planned. Regardless, words of encouragement, stories, and tips were touching, and reminded me that I wasn't so alone in this search. I've connected with a few of the individuals on Facebook further, and hopefully we can continue to share our stories.

The Results

"When told you were placed with a family and doing extraordinarily well, she was delighted beyond words"

As I mentioned in my last post, I had hired a search company in the past, which took my money and found nothing. So, I was skeptical. But, as anyone who knows me will attest, I am also very impulsive. After hearing about another search company through an adoption forum, I decided to complete their no obligation information form. The company said they had a no find-no fee guarantee. If they could not find my birthfamily, there would not be a cost. I signed a contract and expected to wait a week, two weeks, or months even.

The Next Day, I received a message. They had found my birthparent and family in literally 12 hours. You can imagine my skepticism, since the last search took months and found nothing. All I had to do was wire the fee and they would send the info to me. Plus, we spoke via text message and short e-mail messages. Sounds like a hoax right? Like a foreign person e-mailing you that they found $12million dollars and all you needed to do to get it was send them $2k? I thought so too.

But it wasn't.

I sent them their fee (it was rather modest, and much lower than I paid many years ago). And, I received my information.

My name was Martin.

This was information I had known all my life, and that I did not share with the search agency. I had left it out. To see my birthname in writing was like walking into a brick wall. All of the information I was reading felt more real. I have names of siblings and my birthmother. When I told my mom, she said "so when you going to come down and visit her?" Well, I'm not going to go that fast. In fact, I might choose never to contact them. The agency recommends sitting with the information for a bit before trying to contact--and they provide contact coaching.


As you also know, I posted a "Dear Birthfamily letter" which I posted publicly and then sent to them once I had their names. So--I did reach out with the wonders of modern technology (via Facebook, of course). I got a beautiful opportunity to meet my sisters and catch up. They even shared my very first baby photo! My birthmother didn't come--nor did I expect her to. But, they did encourage me to send a letter to her. I haven't done that yet; I'm really not sure what I'd say.

I did also talk online with my brother who, ironically, was living within 20 minutes from the town I live in now--fate?

We all remain connected online--it was nice to have a piece of the puzzle finally put together.



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© 2020 by Dr. Brandon Barile

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